Beautiful Day

Today was a strange day. Started strange and just kept on rolling like one of those off-center-weighted balls that won't roll in a straight line.

I woke up at 5:15 this morning, after a four hour nap, and could not return to sleep. My mind was alert, so I figured I would get up and head to the gym, see if I couldn't get my body in sync with my mind. After all, I didn't have to be at work til 8:00.

Then my erratic and dysfunctional OCD kicks in.

Before I know it, I'm unloading the dishwasher, loading it back up, hand washing my pots and pans (hey, there were only two), changing my sheets, dusting and I don't even know what else. All this while also having the time to notice a fantabulous sunrise in the East. And it is now 7:10 so now I'm really gonna need to hustle to get to work on time. Must have been that lo-carb Monster I drank.

So I make it out the door with barely enough time to swing into Sugar for my 16 oz Americano with room, two ice cubes and two splendas. Yes, that really is how I order it. They have a thing about having splenda out in a place called Sugar, ok?

I hit the elevator in my sassy little Nike jacket that everyone loves and says looks like a piece of scuba (self contained underwater breathing apparatus) gear and remember that I have forgotten my phone.

Back into the condo. Back to the elevator. Onto the street and then I realize I will likely want my shades when I come home so back to the unit.

I figure the shades will mandate a beautiful day. Luckily the elevators have a respectable pace, nonetheless, my coffee window is shutting for the morning with every trip back to the condo to appease my flighty memory. But the glasses seem integral to bending the weather to my will.

I'm tired of 50 degree days.

I brazenly jaywalk across Boren to save time, setting off a petty crime spree all across the city as I do so. It begins with me enabling a sweet old lady to do the same. God only knows where it went from there-and I gave it little care as I focused on my Americano. That is until late in the afternoon I hear about Pike St being closed down due to a robbery...I feel guilt. Before it passes moments later, I have time to compare myself to the butterfly in Japan that causes a tsunami across the Pacific. Then it's gone.

But I skipped ahead.

Grab the coffee and I run out of the bakery, just as Beautiful Day by U2 comes on my nano. I replay it several times as I walk to work, revelling in the gorgeousness Mother Nature is providing around me in lieu of the actual video for the song. People are looking at me as I bop along the streets of Seattle, a little lighter on my feet for the mood the day and good music and a not insignificant caffeine buzz has created. Not to mention the sun is not fully up and I have sunglasses on. That's bound to generate a look or ten for a variety of reasons...most notably, they are friggin hot glasses. Yes, someone with better taste in these things than I selected them for me.

I'm enjoying one of these glances in the heart of downtown from across an intersection. A very nattily dressed gent. I imagine he would like to think I am staring right at him from behind the security of my shades, when in fact I noticed him several beats after he saw me. I know this because as I am having this thought, he steps off the curb to cross and ends up on the hood of a-fortunately slow moving-vehicle. I know how ya feel buddy, I think I am pretty cool sometimes, too, only to end up having the universe snatch that feeling right away from me!

He seems ok, and frankly, I am a little too late to stick around and nurse his bruises-the most substantial I suspect is his ego.

So, be-bop-a-loo-bop-off-to-work-I-go. It's a beautiful day, he survived.

On my final block to the entrance of my store, I pass the side of my store's building and notice that one of our overly generous street artists has tagged the building. How kind. It's all part of living in an urban environment I remind myself as my irritation threatens to take the edge off of my beautiful day. Instead of irritation, I try for understanding the message. That doesn't do much for my mood, but does manage to preserve my beautiful day vibe.

Until...

I realize that the point of the song is kind of a "Hey, we're stripping our Earth of it's natural resources...but it's a beautiful day, so maybe you won't notice" type of thing. So, the things that have occurred during my impeccably set dressed walk to work were perhaps the perfect illustrations for the song after all.

Who knows? I'm surprised you read this far...LOL.

Then again, on the way home I hear the Indigo Girls' Let It Be Me. Which basically sets out to demonstrate that even through the most heinous situations, one person's attitude can be a beacon of light in the darkest of nights.

And, here we are, back at me being a butterfly that causes a tsunami-only one of goodness-just by holding fast to my desire to be in a good mood!

Impulse Control

I've begun this stage in my life where I simply feel overwhelmed by urges. (Again)

Food.

Sex.

Drink.

Opinions.

And sometimes, thank god, overwhelmed by apathy and therefore ill-prepared to act on those urges.

Going to the grocer. It's rainy season here in Seattle, after all.

Picking someone up. Which usually involves going from the couch to the computer.

Ditto, grocer. Which has on occasion fostered my urge for sex, too.

Waiting for the right moment to tell someone they are an idiot or a boob. Which has sometimes fostered sex as well. What is it with people being turned on by being told off?

This morning, I awoke with a fairly ambivalent mood hanging over me. The generic surprise at having woke up yet again wearing off fairly quickly. I seem to be getting comfortable with my persistent existence. Plodding to the can. Brushing my teeth while thinking about whether to simply hop in the shower and get clean. Somehow ending up in pants with a toothbrush still in my mouth.

Decision made. God bless auto-pilot. Sometimes I get all the way to work's door in this mode!

I pull on a t-shirt and consider a jacket, with just enough ambivalence left over to end up with a sweatshirt and jacket.

My latest impulse control seems to be running for the elevator.

I can hear it coming. I live right next to the shaft. I like to imagine who's coming or going at night as I tick off the floors it passes. It's a wonderful use of insomnia, since I don't know what floor the damn thing originated on.

But when it hits my floor, I want to run for it.

Which is what I did this morning. Simply gave in to the urge.

There I was, jacket on yet unaware I was actually preparing to go anywhere, as the elevator ascended toward my floor. I had heard one of my neighbor's doors close, so I knew a ride was nigh.

So, I bolted.

Wherever the hell I was going, it needed to be now, damn it!

But my phone did not make the jump with me. Which is kind of fine, I have been hating my phone lately as it impulsively shuts off in the middle of conversations two or three times a day as it gives into it's own impulses-call it engineered obsolesence. I can't finish a call on it on my own time frame without being tethered to an outlet. Very frustrating.

Thank god I at least had my wallet.

No umbrella either. Hopefully the rain into which I emerged was part of "showers with sunbreaks" and not a downpour for the day, as recent days have been.

So I end up walking into Sugar for some coffee. How the hell I managed to have a magazine, wallet, ball cap and no idea where I was going...it's a miracle I have made it this far.

My favorite barista and young friend, JZ-squared says to me as I walk in, "You got my text!"

Negatory, good buddy. Just ended up here. Left the phone at home.

My impulse control issues must be destiny, though. There I was, overcome by the urge to be somewhere to the degree that I end up there practically before I even realize that I have left home. Pleasing a friend with my mere appearance. The conversation we had was one of my favorites in recent days. Just about nothing...the magazine I had managed to grab, my disheveled appearance, pie baking, sleep, music, art, travel and assorted whatnot.

Here's to not asking questions and just going with the flow.

And now it's sunny.