Exodus

This is not what I am used to, this reversal of roles.

I am the one who leaves. I am good at it, as a matter of fact. I've gotten used to the fact that when I move a few hundred or a few thousand miles, my friends still have each other to keep themselves company. I don't feel sorry for myself that I wouldn't have that same cushion, I face change with a certain detached interest usually.

Usually.

This last year or two in Seattle has been rough. Economy. Relationships. Personal Finance.

Friendships. Those have been better.

Until I stopped to look around and took a roll call of the locals that are important to me that have begun to be not so local. The overwhelming common thread has been move or face local unemployment.

My best friend here in Seattle, Mark/Kiki, is moving to LA in a couple of weeks. We've known each other for over three years now. Meeting for the first time when Macy's bought Meier & Frank and he came down to survey my store's Women's Shoe business-his area of responsibility.

This was the first of five (I think) Macy's restructures our friendship would pass through. The result was that my job was eliminated and moved to Seattle, hence my presence here in Sea-Town.

I moved on up to Seattle, selling my house and leaving my friends, family and home of a decade to do so. As I had done probably a dozen other times in my life. I moved into Mark's apartment building (the Shelby) and a year later bought a condo in the same building (the Decatur) that he bought his in.

I joke that I am his SWF.

We have a weekly brunch at his house with his group of friends and neighbors. It's fun. It helps me stay in touch with pop culture through the conversations that people bring with them. At the very least generally reinforces my decision to not watch tv as we have VH1 or MTV on for background noise and the discussions they provoke. The amount of energy spent on and invested in Brett Michael's Rock of Love Tour Bus is certainly disturbing. Both for content and the fact that it does prove to be entertaining...don't get me started on Tool Academy.

Today was the last brunch at his house. It was the typical fun and food with a side of sad. I don't know what my social life will be like without him here.

Earlier this month another friend of ours, Mark's boss at Macy's, made the same move.

In March Crystal-the manager of our old apartment, the Shelby-and a friend of mine, packed up her family and moved to Texas to try her fortune in that job market after her job here basically cut her pay by 25% due to the economy.

Also in March, one of the founding of the DEA was put through the less-than-dignified process of having his work pyramid restructured and being asked to re-apply for his position, with the stipulation that it would likely not remain in Seattle, so he and his partner/outlaw husband were facing relocation. Unluckily, he was not re-hired for his job and is now unemployed with about 12% of Seattle. His job search thus far has pretty much indicated that he will be relocating. Early speculation suggests it will be DC, where else would a lobbyist for the drug company have more opportunities? So, when I look at Chip and Joel nowadays at our weekly Burger Night at Purr (Purrger Night) I already see them from a distance.

Last fall, my boss here when I was with Macy's was actually promoted-one of the few beacons of a positive light in the last year I can recall. His promotion took him to Salt Lake City. He comes to town every now and then, maybe once a month. Sadly, I don't always get to see him since he's usually only here once a month or so. His promotion came at the same time that a couple thousand other people at Macy's in Seattle lost their jobs due to a merging of buying offices. Basically the same process that is causing Mark to have to relocate. It's also causing another former co-worker of mine from Macy's to have to relocate to Vegas in order to remain employed. This is the final restructuring go-round for Macy's corporate employees in Seattle. The remaining 200 or so are pretty much evaporating as it happens. Going forward, there will essentially no longer be a corporate presence for Macy's in Washington. The prior lay-off scattered friends of mine from Macy's to New York City, Chicago, Vegas and many other cities as people-friends-sought employment elsewhere. Recently, I have even gotten reports that some of those friends who lost their jobs and moved have now lost their jobs again and are beginning the process all over again.

I went through that in 2007, leaving Macy's and not working for two months. Suffering through another four months of unemployment after my new company-US Bank-let me go later that same year. Six months off all-together that year, it was financially devastating. I still feel that pain as well as a certain guilt for having enough savings and a comfortable enough family to help pull me through my financial collapse in style. But it may have looked too easy and sent the wrong message to my friends. The side of that experience for me that I kept private was that I emerged from it essentially broke. Savings, gone. Retirement fund, gone. Credit-worthiness, gone. Now I have to watch friends go through the same thing-and try to comfort them without sounding hypocritical for having a family that could help me through.

I see how hard it is for these friends to leave; most having no real or recent experience uprooting themselves, their families and abandoning their lives, friends and homes simply for work. It's like the homesteaders of our country's history.

I have "lost" more friends to this crap economy in the last year than I did to AIDS in the 80's and early 90's. The consolation is that they are alive, just out of my life. The speed with which they are leaving my life is much more shocking than that earlier, sadder time though.

All I have is the equanimity that I traditionally face change with. Hopefully, that lack of panic will be rewarded with a return to reasonable levels of unemployment as well as normal rates of pay for myself and my friends. Hopefully, that will be the outcome. I cannot stretch my imagination to see a worsening of this shituation.

The prodigal gay...

How is it that some of the most important people in my life have drifted out of it while others who have worked so hard to make themselves unimportant come back in with every bad tide?

The answer in both instances is likely apathy. But I think I will at least complain about it since it's tangentally related to my dating life, and that's always amusing. Plus, I just totally got to make up a word!

I've really scaled back on my visits with the DEA at their local watering hole, Purr. Since I am usually broke these days and they seem unable to keep from truly pissing me off through incomprehensibly random acts of theirs and then shrugging them off with a "Well, that's your problem" attitude. Aaah, frenemies! But, Thursday, I finished work too late to go to the gym so I figured I would go see what was what in their "world".

We are sitting there on my third beer when this little hottie walks up and hugs LCR (Log Cabin Republican) rather enthusiastically. Now, I am not surprised, I have known these guys for a couple of years and they have many friends who also seem to drift in and out of their existence, much as I do. This was not remarkable in and of itself, so I just sat there and passed the interruption by observing the rise of this hot guy's shirt tail so I could admire his tramp stamp tattoo. Chip comes back from somewhere and joins in his husband's reunion with this new comer.

Then I realize that it's BB, and they seem oblivious to the fact that we "know" each other, which is awesome since they sorta facilitated our meeting inthe first place. The flash memory of the good drunk saves them again! I fire off a little "Holy Christ!" text to them both for distraction and continue being ignored as only I can do. I'm thinking, "Wow, I conjured another fag out of thin air!" since I had recently been thinking about the odds of running into BB in his new hometown of Long Beach when I visit my parents there next week. Poof! He shows up in the Emerald City. I am musing at my own power.

Which is when they both whip out their phones to add BB's new phone number.

Which is when I realize he has moved back to Seattle.

Which is when he realizes who I am.

So much realization for such a barely sober crowd.

He moves into hug me. This action always confuses me, I grew up a little coolish on the touchy feelies of the world and have even only recently begun to tell my parents I love them when closing a phone conversation with them. I accept hugging as a greeting within this gay subculture of mine, but some people take it a step further and add a kiss-then it's all about placement. Pre-emptively, I plant one on his cheek as we embrace.

I notice LCR looking at me with a raised eyebrow as, I assume, he reads my text.

BB begins catching up, enthusiastically. "What's new? How's work? Who's cutting your hair?!" This last as he runs his fingers through my locks. I return the requisite answers and enjoy the light attention while peppering him with my own polite conversation...and then I realize he's building his client book again.

Yeah, he cut my hair, how did you think I met him? You know I have a thing for barbers. And other men.

Well, I'm not interested in going back down this road, so I deflect his advice to come see him with a "I'm not getting on a bus for a haircut" comment. Then he buys a round of shots.

For the record, I only had two shots and three more beers this evening, but somehow I had already finished paying. Free booze and I go waaaaay back.

Someone next to me leaves and he tries to steal the seat, only to realize they have only just stepped out to smoke. He is not enjoying being short and unseated in this now crowded bar. He is also not enjoying me not offering him my seat. Read between the lines, BB.

He moves in and out of conversation a few times.

The last time he moves in, he is all about getting my number. Which I see him type in his phone without entering a name. Then my phone rings. Well, I'm not answering it here I tell him.

To which he replies, "Now you have my new number".

Then I decide it's time to go upstairs and chat with the doctor's group that is assembled there for a little fun, thinking as I leave that I need that passive bs that BB just gave me in my life about as much as I need someone who admits that they aren't very good at dating. Oh, wait...those both came from the same person. I mean, seriously...can you not put your ego at risk enough to say, "I'm gonna give you my new number. Call me."?

This town sucks at the dating. I have all but given up on it and just begun to enjoy the scenery. Prettier than trees, but just as dumb. And not as useful...

Soon, though, I will tell you what I have been doing to keep from giving completely up on dating in the last few months. It's a story that I should probably never tell and one that might be mistaken-correctly so- for bragging.

And the guy cutting my hair now? He does a way better job than BB.