Three-fifths a President?

I am-like many Americans this morning-both excited and devastated by last night's election and the results that continue to unfold.

Excited that we have elected a man whose vision for our country's government will be like getting CPR from someone with really fresh breath. And I don't think many would disagree that our country is definitely in a flat line right now and in need of some CPR.

Bring us the Obama crash cart!

Devastated, because three states seem to have passed or are well on the way to passing legislation banning gay marriage.

Now, a word of encouragement...California (which I will call New Utah if this amendment passes) is only 95% reported and the "Yes" result is in the typical margin of error of + or - 4% , so there is math for hope. Still.

A fourth state, Arkansas of all places, has passed a law banning gay adoption. Now, I don't believe Arkansas actually has any gay citizens. Rather, I think the good folks down there in the Redneck Riviera (sorry DDV, you know it's true or you'd still live there!) are simply laying the ground work needed to stave off the flood of hedonistic homosexuals that will be fleeing New Utah, Arizona and Florida in reaction to those states' rolling up their welcome mat to the gays by denying them the right to marry. Just to let us know we aren't welcome there in Arkansas with our adopted Himalayan whistle children, either.

Good move, Joe-Bob. You sure saw us coming there! Yup, saw exactly what we were gonna do. Bullet point numero uno at the last big gay meeting.

Psych!

Also, my devastation stems from what I am sure to be future events...things I don't even think anyone has realized yet.

Now that the Mormons have spanked the evil-doing homosexuals and put us in our place, here are the new laws I see them funneling their tithe into:

~ Legalizing polygamy. Face it...with all the unrepentant and uncurable gay men out there, there are many unattended women-folk. They need a husband and there simply aren't enough god-fearing men to go around. Polygamy is the only answer.
~ A ban on blacks being president. The Mormons grudgingly allowed blacks to join their church...in the '80's? Someone correct me if I am wrong on that, but it was recently. File that move under "Keeping your friends close but your enemies closer". Now, they will fight to defend our country's government with the same fervor-I mean deep pockets-with which they fought to protect marriage. Namely, all men-not women, and certainly not them blacks-are created equal. There ya go...who even let Mac pick a woman as his running mate? And it is clearly laid out that a black man is equal to 3/5 a white man, so how can we elect 3/5 a president? Would we have to also ensure we had a 7/5 veep to balance that ticket?

You heard it here first, and yeah...it sounds crazy, right? But doesn't it seem like only a short time ago that it sounded crazy for a state like the former California to amend it's constitution to include discrimination?

To end on a high note (no, I am not high): Even applying "black math" to the presidential election, with two states still uncounted, 3/5 of Obama's electoral votes still put him at 209. Ahead of McCain and outside the reach of defeat if Mac carries the two undecided states.

Take that Joseph Smith.