friends like these

these are the folks you can always rely on.

neighbors you love that you can count on running into when you run into the hall in your underwear to prop open the fire door so you can create a little breeze on your floor on an impossibly hot day.

different neighbors you almost cream storming out of the elevator in the lobby as they try to board. you're in a hurry going on a murder-mart run for a frosty monster lo-carb on that same hot day. no biggie, but then you realize you haven't brushed your teeth since rolling out of bed and throwing on shorts, a tank and flip flops for the run across the street. then compounding your discomfort by realizing you may have had an entire bag of barbeque chips for breakfast in bed, too. luckily, they were coming back from the gym, all sweaty and pitty, so if there were smells it was a melange.

maybe my luck is changing with that realization. changing into galby luck!

galby luck is something i wouldn't wish on anyone, cuz it really kind of sucks. but in life, it is sometimes the small victories that get you through the day. although there are no guarantees that galby luck always works in my favor.

that said, i approach the cross walk with the signal already blinking it's red hand at me, suggesting i hold up for cars, but decide to keep strolling as i text a friend. some poor delivery guy in a blue striped shirt pushing a hand truck decides to push my luck and make a jog for it, too. we could both die or be confronted with obnoxious expressions of the drivers' displeasure since we are bound to slow them down on their way to or from where ever they are to-ing or from-ing. i am not concerned with either scenario that deeply. remember, i'm running on galby luck.

safely and noiselessly negotiating the cross walk, i arrive at the murder-mart to discover a dearth of monster lo-carb. i have to settle for the full sugar option.

so i buy two.

and a lottery ticket.

and a king sized reese's peanut butter cup.

if you're gonna go, go big.

here's the most priceless part:

on the way back home i hit the crosswalk on the red blinky part again. i'm sashaying across the street with two monsters in my hand and a reese's king size sticking out of the leg cargo pocket of my shorts.

trash. purely.

but better looking than most.

when an asian helmed a4 takes the corner from madison onto boren trying for two wheeled speed as much as an asian driver has the balls or skills to try.

i notice the passenger leaning across the driver to lean out the window toward me and yell, "HOOKER!" and realize it's a friend i used to work with.

i start laughing and waggle a monster in front of my crotch like a monsterously sized penis as the car careens down boren. something to give my friend a reminder of the stereotype he just leaned across to screech at me.

i just shake my head and chuckle at my friends.

i do love those hot messes.

then i realize that people on all four corners and sidewalks are looking at me questioningly.

i glance back around the intersection with my best, "why charge for what i can give away for free?" look.

my only recourse after this most amusing comeuppance? a "well-played, sir" on my friend's facebook page. it came out as a simple, "oh, no...you di'nt!" but the meaning was clear.

the response? "I know I laugh for ten min str8 after that. Hahaha" at least my english is slightly better than that rice-poisoned queen. lol.