An open letter to the hysterical portion of the gay and lesbian community

I was going to start this post "Dear Drama Queens" or "Mr Solomonese" (the exec director of HRC), but instead just thought that I would throw my random opinion out there about President-Elect Obama's selection of Rick Warren to give his inauguration's invocation.

After the announcement of Mr. Warren's selection, the gay community erupted in fury and betrayal at Obama. Everyone from friends on facebook declaring their befuddlement, to the aforementioned Joe Solomonese speaking out on TV and radio new blurbs.

I admit, I don't pay the closest of attention to current events or the bullshit people do to one another. As much as I may joke about the Chris-police, my real prejudice lay with the way people treat each other on a one to one basis. How we interact in an interpersonal way. Groups aren't my thing. Groups don't have feelings, people do. On a grand scale, what's right for an individual should be acceptable for a group they are a part of; neighborhoods, churches, unions, cities and our country as a whole owe it to their members and citizenry to honor the individual with their actions as a group. Whether it be marriage equality for gays and lesbians being put before the general public in a vote-which is really just the hate mongers exploiting a loophole in the election process and putting the gay and lesbian community under the control of 90% of the population, and how fair is that?-or the President-Elect's right to choose his inaugural players to reflect who he is as a person and what he stands for as a President.

That's what he did.

He put together a winning campaign based on his vision of America. Inclusion. Land of Opportunity. All men are created equal. The right to freedom and the pursuit of happiness.

In his victory, he has set aside partisanship politics to assemble a cabinet of experts, not cronies from his personal life or political party which is what we have become accustomed to. So why should we be surprised or outraged that his inauguration is any different? He has chosen Rick Warren to give his invocation. Someone who preaches hatred from the pulpit-in my opinion, although those loyal to him would fervently disagree with me, and that is their right. He has balanced that out with a benediction address from Joseph Lowery, who is an advocate for gay and lesbian rights and full equality rather than a "separate but equal" type solution. The downside is that a level headed approach to conflict resolution doesn't play well on Fox News or the other commercially driven news programs who are dependent upon ad revenues for their network's income so poor Joe and his positions are not as widely familiar as Ricky-Retardo's.

Nonetheless, as a people I think that my community owes it to their country to take this in stride and look at the larger picture.

Unity.

If we allow ourselves to step outside our roles as citizens and look at the situation from a strictly unilateral standpoint, we cast ourselves in the role of fodder for the hate mongers on the other side. Indeed, we make their point for them. We are unstable, selfish, emotionally driven, small picture citizens that cannot be trusted with the power their income and voting power does afford them.

So man up, bitches. We have to ride this out and postpone our reactions until Obama's plan has officially been set in motion. If is fails, we can say "we knew it", if it succeeds then we save ourselves the humiliation of having to apologize for our behavior and reestablish our credibility as a sub-culture in our country.

And let us not forget that we pretty much fell in love with Barack because he is a friggin brainiac. Do we really have the hubris to tell this man he has not properly considered his actions after the two year campaign he has just come off of? Are we really going to be short sighted enough to think that any words Rick or Joe utter during their moments-and that's what they are, moments-in the spotlight have not been properly dissected for message? Trust me, those two are on a tight leash, every syllable vetted for meanings outside the incoming ruler of the free world's vision of unity.

Death to fags will not pass over Mr. Warren's lips during his invocation, trust me.

What he stands for in his own pulpit is one thing, there is a symbolism behind the pulpit he will populate on January 20th. That symbolism is Unity, just as this jackass has a home in this country, so do we all. That is what our country is all about.

Of course, to successfully complete this post, I had to set aside my feelings on both organized religion and our country's fundamental failure to maintain it's own charter of a separation of Church and State, but that's what a big boy I can be when I want to be.

noah, are you stalking me?

i seem to have a lot of two's lately.

sure, now that i have vocalized it, i won't be able to think of anything to support that statement. let me take a stab at it, though...

i worked from 5:30 this morning until 8:15 tonight.

on the way home-after ordering pizza from my current regular place, hot mama's (regulars are important to me, i've got a little rain man in me) i set off for home. natch, i told the chico on the phone i would just have whatever i ordered last time..."your regular, chris?" he says, the smile obvious in his voice.

ouch.

i don't mind being consistent. i do mind being a "creature" of anything, habit included. and why is it that near strangers are close enough to me to point out my consistency, but my boss isn't?

i think one of those folks is likely a better, happier person than the other. agreed?

as i am walking home, waiting for a crosswalk light to change-as i do on occassion-i hear someone say, "howdy, chris". looking over i see a former colleague of mine from macy's that i worked with in portland. he and i have run into each other randomly since i moved here. more now that he has moved to town, too.

little bitch-bear has lived here a year and has a boyfriend. a live-in, no less. how's that supposed to make me feel? pissing and moaning as i like to about how undateable this town is.

grr.

anyway, this is the second time in three days i have run into him. we both head into the same murder mart. me for beer, him for ice cream. i'm thinking about my pint of ben and jerry's in the fridge. yum.

top it off with the fact that the place they live-did i mention they live together?-is hardly two blocks from me.

i get home and check my email as i unwind with a beer, waiting for my pizza goodness.

i have a message from a guy i have been trading emails with. zane. my age-ish, good job, house, seems nice and balanced. my sister would definitely approve. this is the second email i have gotten from zane in a week since we started chatting. before now, one every ten days or so.

as i am responding, my mind drifts to my friend jz-squared. one of the "z's" stands for...zane. great. now i have two of them. it's not like i met a couple of guys with a common name like, oh, chris. zane. awesome. top it off with him being twice jz-squared's age.

my phone rings...pizza girl. buzz her up. pay. "good to see you again, is it bad that i'm a regular?" i ask. "nah...i see lots of single guys a couple times a week. kinda surprised you became one, though. pizza always seemed like such a treat for you, not a basic food group like some guys". i'm a regular. oof da.

i just look at her as she stuffs my tip into her shirt-who still does that? she giggles and heads for the elevator. it's probably elevator #2.

i'm feeling better as i watch my latest netflix and eat pizza. lucky 7 is the flick. i think this may break the cycle. i realize i am serving myself two slices at a time.

setting aside my second pizza of the week, half through, i toddle off to the freezer and dig into a pint of cake batter ice cream. convinced now that i am really bucking the trend numerology seems to be dialing me into.

until i realize...it's my second pint of the week. damn qfc and their two-fer sale!

Heroes

I was stomping into work yesterday...marching down the hill toward certain retail infamy. I was attempting to elevate my mood with a little Melissa Etheridge and curb my sense of accomplishment for having dragged my ass this far with a cold and sore throat, in the rain no less.

Then it happened. One of those moments of clarity, a real "palm to the forehead" type of thing.

Scarecrow came on.

I always feel like I have had a "special bond" with Melissa's celebrity-see how I so casually referred to her by first name there?

I saw her at a little Long Beach bar called Que Sera in the-gosh-early 90's? Well before she was famous.

When Somebody Bring Me Some Water broke her out, I saw an early BIG venue show of hers at the Roxy. The guy I was dating at the time didn't want to go. I had to make a choice...this was important. I had to really think about it. I thought, "Petur or Melissa Etheridge...Petur or Melissa Etheridge" the answer seemed to be all about me. A bond was formed-completely one sided, I assure you-between me and Melissa.

So when she writes a song that is so broadly appealing and relevant, it makes that song all the more powerful to me.

See also: I Run For Life about her battle with breast cancer and Tuesday Morning about Marc Bingham. I feel guilty for not remembering if he's a "c" Marc or a "k" Mark. Marc with a "c" is hotter to me, so let's go with that one for the purpose of this blog.

Those songs just kill me. I lose it inside everytime I hear them...but they also serve as a great grounding element for me. They really put things in perspective for me.

Scarecrow is about Matthew Sheppard. The song is so powerful-I'll probably use that word a lot in this post. It has particular resonance with me because of my own gay-bashing incident in college-a moment when I was not powerful but powerless. At the mercy of two strangers exorcising some demons on me.

Clearly, my outcome was different than Matthew's, but I still find myself running into that emotional wall every now and then.

When I was in SoCal visiting my parents in late October, the campaigning on Prop 8 was in full swing. My mother and I were driving somewhere and at an intersection we stopped at there was a group of "Yes on 8" folks on one corner and opposite them "No on 8" had taken up residence. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop...for chaos to ensue. I must have said something because my mom started talking about how she kind of came undone that night I was bashed in college. My room mate, Cindy, had called my parents in the middle of the night to tell them. They had piled the whole fam damily in the car the next morning and came to make sure I was ok. My mom described a vivid memory of the terror she felt walking past my room mate's car, it's trunk covered in my blood.

I was terrified. The images of the prior night still fresh in my mind, replaying out of control. Not just the rednecks who assaulted me, but also the cop who responded. The way he looked at me like I had gotten what I deserved...how he challenged me to declare I was worth medical attention when he asked if I wanted him to call for an ambulance. How his look judged me. Cindy was a brick house and she was about to have a moment with this old bastard cop. My other room mates had to pull her out of the room.

And I did feel like I had gotten what I deserved. I didn't feel like I was worthy of medical attention for my wounds. So I sat there, wide awake all night. Face swollen. Oozing and blackening. Nose unset. Gravel in my ass and imbedded in the skin of my genitals.

But I lived. At the time, I could have died of shame. Unable to acknowledge my own homosexuality or protect myself. I never did tell my family the true nature of that assault. If they ever put two and two together, we are too Catholic to discuss it openly. Maybe mom was trying her best to reach out to me that day...I just couldn't risk being wrong about it and causing her any unintentional guilt or pain over that episode. I know I have an ally in every member of my family, I don't need to personalize this fight by dredging up decades-old events to solidify that. But I wonder if my experience has any merit for demonstrating the length of this battle for equality. Surely, people don't consider this a "current event"?

This is why the underdog will always appeal to me. It's why, I think, I like some of the guys I like, including my ex although we never discussed it civily. I think I see that same fear and vulnerability in them and want to heal it just by accepting them for who they are. Of course, I know that I can't make it better. After 20 years, I know that they have to make it better for themselves and find their own way, just as I did. But I can be that mentor for them, that safety net if they want it. These men make up a large part of the group of men I like to call "The Prodigal Gays" because they come back to me-for whatever reason-and that is a great satisfaction for me, personally.

When I think of the victims who paid the highest possible price...I feel ashamed. Not by comparison. Rather because everyday that I bitch about my life, I diminish their death. Everytime our efforts at achieving equal rights are defeated, our civilization erodes and dishonors their memory.

Marc Bingham died a hero on Flight 93, his partner was not legally entitled to assume his personal effects. If Marc's family had been petty, there would have been zero legal recourse for the surviving partner.

Gays cannot marry in California. They are legally banned from formally celebrating their relationship as a heterosexual couple would.

It's a word.

Marriage.

It has been given uneven political currency because our country's founding fathers never thought to formally outline marriage in our country-one based on freedom from religious persecution-by making marriage a government function over a religious rite. Further, the government has molly-coddled the churches to the point that they basically let them copyright the word and enable their fight to protect it.

It's a word.

It no more belongs exclusively to the church than the word "Heaven".

No more so than the word "Girl" belongs to the gays.

Or the word "Aks" belongs to blacks. (That oughta take the serious edge off this blog)

The thing that concerns me the most about Prop 8 passing in New Utah is that California was the state with the clout to bring about marriage equality for interracial couples. That action spwned the phrase "So goes California, so goes the nation". That's what concerns me.

Matthew Sheppard was tied to a fence rail, beaten, burned and left to die of exposure. He didn't die. He clung to life for days before finally losing his life.

This October marked the 10th year since his assault and murder.

Ten years later our legislators are still trying to pass the Matthew Sheppard Hate Crimes Legislation and define equality in the work place and determine who is protected under the Employment Non Discrimination Act.

The hold up with ENDA? Bigotry. Some people still can't get their arms and mind around what a sexual minority is. They are trying to determine whether gays and lesbians are "people" while transexual and transgender people may simply be "freaks".

Well, folks...I accidentally answered that question with my careless use of the word "people". People are people. The rest is all adjectives.

When people forget that, I feel that rock in my ass (figuratively, in case it wasn't obvious) and wonder how long it will be that society will make me live with it there. Not society, that's not fair. The government.

At the same time, I realize that without people like Matthew, Marc, Milk and even Melissa we wouldn't be this close. We wouldn't be the political wedge we are today and sadly, we need to be a wedge issue before we can be equals in this country.

It's a step on the path to the equality that should never have been questioned in the first place.

I just hope we don't have to suffer too many more acts of heroism as a people before we make it there.

Lazy Day Funny

A friend of mine sent this to me about a year ago. I'm cleaning out my email in box on a lazy Saturday off, so I thought I would put this here in case I need it later.

Three things to ponder:

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

C O W S ...

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N ...

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq . Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S ...

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.


Aaah, stolen funnies.

Impulse Control

I've begun this stage in my life where I simply feel overwhelmed by urges. (Again)

Food.

Sex.

Drink.

Opinions.

And sometimes, thank god, overwhelmed by apathy and therefore ill-prepared to act on those urges.

Going to the grocer. It's rainy season here in Seattle, after all.

Picking someone up. Which usually involves going from the couch to the computer.

Ditto, grocer. Which has on occasion fostered my urge for sex, too.

Waiting for the right moment to tell someone they are an idiot or a boob. Which has sometimes fostered sex as well. What is it with people being turned on by being told off?

This morning, I awoke with a fairly ambivalent mood hanging over me. The generic surprise at having woke up yet again wearing off fairly quickly. I seem to be getting comfortable with my persistent existence. Plodding to the can. Brushing my teeth while thinking about whether to simply hop in the shower and get clean. Somehow ending up in pants with a toothbrush still in my mouth.

Decision made. God bless auto-pilot. Sometimes I get all the way to work's door in this mode!

I pull on a t-shirt and consider a jacket, with just enough ambivalence left over to end up with a sweatshirt and jacket.

My latest impulse control seems to be running for the elevator.

I can hear it coming. I live right next to the shaft. I like to imagine who's coming or going at night as I tick off the floors it passes. It's a wonderful use of insomnia, since I don't know what floor the damn thing originated on.

But when it hits my floor, I want to run for it.

Which is what I did this morning. Simply gave in to the urge.

There I was, jacket on yet unaware I was actually preparing to go anywhere, as the elevator ascended toward my floor. I had heard one of my neighbor's doors close, so I knew a ride was nigh.

So, I bolted.

Wherever the hell I was going, it needed to be now, damn it!

But my phone did not make the jump with me. Which is kind of fine, I have been hating my phone lately as it impulsively shuts off in the middle of conversations two or three times a day as it gives into it's own impulses-call it engineered obsolesence. I can't finish a call on it on my own time frame without being tethered to an outlet. Very frustrating.

Thank god I at least had my wallet.

No umbrella either. Hopefully the rain into which I emerged was part of "showers with sunbreaks" and not a downpour for the day, as recent days have been.

So I end up walking into Sugar for some coffee. How the hell I managed to have a magazine, wallet, ball cap and no idea where I was going...it's a miracle I have made it this far.

My favorite barista and young friend, JZ-squared says to me as I walk in, "You got my text!"

Negatory, good buddy. Just ended up here. Left the phone at home.

My impulse control issues must be destiny, though. There I was, overcome by the urge to be somewhere to the degree that I end up there practically before I even realize that I have left home. Pleasing a friend with my mere appearance. The conversation we had was one of my favorites in recent days. Just about nothing...the magazine I had managed to grab, my disheveled appearance, pie baking, sleep, music, art, travel and assorted whatnot.

Here's to not asking questions and just going with the flow.

And now it's sunny.

I kinda love this guy...

He has been president-elect for two days and he is already a pop icon. In addition to being a beacon of hope for our country and probably the world.

You have go to check out these sites, if you already haven't.

www.barackaspresident.com began as www.palinaspresident.com weeks before the election. It was awesome, Palin sitting in the Oval Office and everything in there was clickable to reveal something funny. On November 4, the site converted to the Barack incarnation. It contains a song, set to one of Barack's speeches, with folk music style guitar and famous folks speaking or singing his words, "Yes We Can".

It is so powerful.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjXyqcx-mYY is the actual video of the speech/song. Hopefully it will be available for some time.

And because I am crushing pretty hard on our newly elected hero, here are the words of the speech. Printed totally without permission...

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.

Yes we can.

It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.

Yes we can.

It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.

Yes we can.

It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.

Yes we can to justice and equality.

Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.

Yes we can heal this nation.

Yes we can repair this world.

Yes we can.

We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics...they will only grow louder and more dissonant ........... We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.

But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea --

Yes. We. Can.

The color was my creative little tweak...it's nothing compared to the genius and inspiration of this speech, it's writers, speaker and the team of musicians and actors who set it to music and created the video.

Someone has a dream, and I hope everyone, across all religions, races, ethnicities, political parties and throughout this nation shares it.

Three-fifths a President?

I am-like many Americans this morning-both excited and devastated by last night's election and the results that continue to unfold.

Excited that we have elected a man whose vision for our country's government will be like getting CPR from someone with really fresh breath. And I don't think many would disagree that our country is definitely in a flat line right now and in need of some CPR.

Bring us the Obama crash cart!

Devastated, because three states seem to have passed or are well on the way to passing legislation banning gay marriage.

Now, a word of encouragement...California (which I will call New Utah if this amendment passes) is only 95% reported and the "Yes" result is in the typical margin of error of + or - 4% , so there is math for hope. Still.

A fourth state, Arkansas of all places, has passed a law banning gay adoption. Now, I don't believe Arkansas actually has any gay citizens. Rather, I think the good folks down there in the Redneck Riviera (sorry DDV, you know it's true or you'd still live there!) are simply laying the ground work needed to stave off the flood of hedonistic homosexuals that will be fleeing New Utah, Arizona and Florida in reaction to those states' rolling up their welcome mat to the gays by denying them the right to marry. Just to let us know we aren't welcome there in Arkansas with our adopted Himalayan whistle children, either.

Good move, Joe-Bob. You sure saw us coming there! Yup, saw exactly what we were gonna do. Bullet point numero uno at the last big gay meeting.

Psych!

Also, my devastation stems from what I am sure to be future events...things I don't even think anyone has realized yet.

Now that the Mormons have spanked the evil-doing homosexuals and put us in our place, here are the new laws I see them funneling their tithe into:

~ Legalizing polygamy. Face it...with all the unrepentant and uncurable gay men out there, there are many unattended women-folk. They need a husband and there simply aren't enough god-fearing men to go around. Polygamy is the only answer.
~ A ban on blacks being president. The Mormons grudgingly allowed blacks to join their church...in the '80's? Someone correct me if I am wrong on that, but it was recently. File that move under "Keeping your friends close but your enemies closer". Now, they will fight to defend our country's government with the same fervor-I mean deep pockets-with which they fought to protect marriage. Namely, all men-not women, and certainly not them blacks-are created equal. There ya go...who even let Mac pick a woman as his running mate? And it is clearly laid out that a black man is equal to 3/5 a white man, so how can we elect 3/5 a president? Would we have to also ensure we had a 7/5 veep to balance that ticket?

You heard it here first, and yeah...it sounds crazy, right? But doesn't it seem like only a short time ago that it sounded crazy for a state like the former California to amend it's constitution to include discrimination?

To end on a high note (no, I am not high): Even applying "black math" to the presidential election, with two states still uncounted, 3/5 of Obama's electoral votes still put him at 209. Ahead of McCain and outside the reach of defeat if Mac carries the two undecided states.

Take that Joseph Smith.